When Do the Kids Go Back?

    You won't see too many homeschooling posts on this blog, not because I don't have plenty to say on the subject (I do, and boy do most people wish they'd never ask me about it at times lol) but mostly because it's a part of my life, my parenting and my day-to-day that a lot of people just won't, can't or aren't willing to understand. So I save it, like a treasure, for myself. But on certain occasions, I feel a tug, that urge to share. It's those times when I wonder if just one person might have needed to read my message, and that makes it worth it.

Today was a typical summer day for us, a late breakfast...followed by errands in the scorching sun, followed by a frosty snack and then an early dinner. Mixed in were games, bickering, cupcake-baking, dish-washing, folding laundry and chugging water to avoid a dehydration headache. But one thing stood out to me, made me think about it throughout the day...and lead me to wanting to share a few thoughts with you as I wait for the kiddos to drift off to sleep.

One of our errands was running to the bank to cash an Ebates check (yes, it works...if you remember to use it before you order....if you order online...and if it's available at the store you wish to order from. lol) so we ran in to our local Safeway to use the in-store bank. One of the employees is a lady we see often enough. She's asked me before about why my kids aren't in school, so she knows that we homeschool. She saw the kids with me and jokingly said, "Doesn't matter what season, the kids are with you, huh?" The male employee next to her joined in the conversation and I shared with them that having the kids with me "all the time" truly isn't a big deal. She commented that she noticed I wasn't frazzled or stressed out. I suppose some people may expect that, but I explained that for me, if you take my children out of the daily equation, it's like cutting off my limbs and then telling me to kick back, relax and enjoy the day. It's an extreme example here, yes, but that's how strongly I feel about it.

I don't go into much personal detail with folks, but the truth is, I look forward to summers with my children. I always hope to have enough money to be able to take them to the beach, to be able to eat out, do fun activities, go places and not have to worry too much about lessons or schedules or cold germs. It's the time of year where my OCD (self-diagnosed, tongue in cheek) takes a back seat in favor of "living a little". These last couple of years however, summers aren't only mine to plan. My ex husband gets summer visitation with the children and for the first time last year, they were gone for 2 weeks straight. This summer was 3 weeks. Luckily, both years I ended up being busy with friends, relatives or getting food poisoning (last year) so the time went by and I managed to survive. As long as my children came back to me in one piece, I'd survive. At least that's what I kept telling myself. Sure enough, we all survived. Not that it's complete torture, but given the choice, the three of us would much rather be together.

Do we fight? Sure we do! Do we annoy the ever-lovin' whatsit out of each other? You bet! But as fast as the tempers flare, the love, hugs and kisses come back to us and all returns to "normal". I always say, the bond between mother and child is not understood by any other type of relationship. Now not all mothers feel the way I do....and not all children feel as mine do.

There are many, many...many types of homeschoolers out there, with various backgrounds and reasons for wanting to choose this path. Out of all these types, there are two categories I separate them into: The Convictions and The Reasons. "Wait..what?"  Let me explain. There are those of "us" (because I fall into this category), that feel convicted, deeply lead and purpose so strongly to follow this path in educating our children, that the passion is overwhelming in our conversations about why we do what we do. It's not an overprotection, it's a blessing and a right, an honor and calling for us. There wasn't a particular reason that we "needed" to choose this path, but rather we found this way and knew instantly that we had hit something profound. The option to turn back, to give in to something easier, to avoid the sacrifices or pass the baton just wasn't in our realm of thinking. It's the same kind of thinking I had long ago before I ever had children. When people asked me why I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, I answered, "Why would I want to have children, only to have someone else raise them?" Career was never my priority, though I did find my passion in skin care and esthetics. My true passion, my dream and my eventual reality, was to become a mother. I always wanted a boy and a girl (because I needed a little girl so I could move past my Cabbage Patch mothering skills, and a boy because I was dying of curiosity, being an only child, I needed to know what boys were like!). Once that first child was a toddler (the boy gave me the first-time mothering challenge FO SHO lol!), I began my research. Over the next couple of years, I felt the conviction and passion growing and there was no turning back.

Now, The Reasons category....this type of homeschooler started for...you guessed it, a reason. Learning disabilities, health issues, troubles in the classroom, there are so many reasons. Bullying, school shootings, anxiety, etc. There's just a reason or multiple reasons for choosing this path. Even if eventually they feel as strongly as The Convictions, it's never quite the same. The main clue is that reasons change. Many of these families decide to try school again or implement school-like curriculum at home. Some may come to doubt their abilities at a point and change directions. I've heard many moms from this category change their minds from year to year, depending on their own personal mood, believe it or not. The same watery reasons for beginning are followed by weak excuses to quit. Now this isn't a judgment against those families homeschooling for a valid reason! I think it's an amazing blessing and privilege to be able to homeschool and give your children the option and to do what's best for your family. The point I'm trying to make is that the frazzled, stressed out "I can't wait to schools to open!" type of parent can, sometimes, be one of the homeschoolers in this category. That's what I was trying to explain during my conversation at the bank earlier today.

Perhaps if I had personal plans that were inconvenienced by my children being home, or spending long summer days with my children was grating more nerves than I have available, I might be inclined to "try school for a year and see how it goes".  But as the summer comes to an end, I find the tug on my heart and the feeling of gratitude overwhelming me. I've fought hard to be able to continue homeschooling my children and it was worth every penny, every tear and every prayer that my conviction and passion for educating my children be a testimony for someone out there that wonders "Can I do it??" As the saying goes, where there's a will, there's a way...and my will is stronger than ever.

P.S. I cannot WAIT to order my boy's 4th grade curriculum....I still can't believe I have a 4th grader and 1st grader!! My heart is FULL. :-)))

What I Had Just Wasn't Enough....

Before you start reading, grab a beverage and a snack. This is one of my stories and it ain't a short one. lol It'll be worth the read, (I hope!), so hang in there with me.

I play a lot of different roles in my life, as I'm sure you probably do. Mother, daughter, cousin, friend, wife (or ex-wife), and so on. Maybe you have a job title or a "Mom title" like stay-at-home-mom, or working mom, homeschooling mom...you get the idea. Those are great roles to play in life, lots of sacrifices but lots of blessings and priceless benefits too. But what if that just isn't enough?? 

You ever scroll through your newsfeed on Facebook and admire a friend or relative who just seems to really embrace her "thing" in life? I know women who are so crafty with DIY projects that they open Etsy shops or sell their items at craft shows. Really creative for sure, but that's not me. I have friends who run like someone is chasing them three times a week, complete with number stickers taped to their shirts and announcing their new pair of running shoes when they wear out the last pair. That's awesome...but I don't run. I have friends who have a new passion every month. They go all out..for less than 31 days. By the time they flip the calendar, they're over it. I have those moments too, but I don't necessarily want to maintain that type of fickle-ness. Yeah, I'm using it. You get my meaning.

I already have my "thing" for the most part - I was a licensed esthetician and makeup artist before I got married and had my kids. That was my passion, my "do what you love" career and it was perfect for me. Life changes and so do circumstances. Being a mom at home with my children was always my number one priority even above my passion for skin care and girly stuff. I made my choice but I had to sacrifice along the way. Eventually I looked into homeschooling and decided that was something I wanted for my children and that became my passion, and still is to this day.  Don't ask me a question about homeschooling without taking a seat and perking your ears because when I get going, it's hard to stop! The same thing happens when you ask me about skin care or what lipstick I'd choose to brighten your complexion.

I could have coasted through life with my children, homeschooling them and being "beauty fairy" to my friends and loved ones for a good, long time. But remember I said life changes and so do circumstances? Well, divorce happens and it's never like it is in the movies. Unless ya'll were loaded to begin with, splitting it two ways means one or both sides get uh...there's no other word I can think of. You get screwed, that's what you get. You're lucky if you get your children and your tangible items but money-wise, fuhgetaboutit. There are many, many stories out there but for me, and the group of single mamas I know and have come to love and call sisters, this was the case for all of us. We pick which battles to fight and often, the fight still isn't over even after the final decree is signed. One day I'll share my story in more detail, but for now let's just say I've learned to juggle and doggy-paddle like a champ.

When I was married, I had a couple people privately tell me to save money on the side "just in case". Now, I play life with a clear conscience and when we were eyeballs-deep in debt, I couldn't justify squirreling away even $20. So there was nothing to hide and save for when the ship sank. Recently I heard a quote "Fill the well before you need it." Well it's too late to go backwards now, but I can surely fill the well now before I'll need it. You see, alimony only lasts so long in my case. And before long, I'll need additional income. I'm a type-A, list-making, worry-about-tomorrow type so I'm well aware of what is to come if I don't prepare.

During the course of my divorce, I had my ears and eyes open for any opportunity that would allow me to stay home with my children, continue to homeschool and avoid the chance of them losing ME, in addition to the other losses we were to suffer. Avon wasn't going to do it for me. Neither was Mary Kay, Pampered Chef or Melaleuca. There's nothing wrong with these companies at all, but they weren't for me.  With my schedule, the inability to have inventory or products to show, oh the list was long for why I felt I couldn't jump in with these companies.  I even considered Advocare but besides the products, I didn't feel it was quite right for me. When you know, you know and when it doesn't feel right, you know that too. I had my blog up and running again and I had purposely left opportunity open for the "wellness" aspect to balance out the "beauty".  I feel now, that there was something in my mind that knew where I was heading, I just didn't know exactly what it was at that time.

Here's a little backstory: When my son was a baby, I spent many, many nights rocking him, feeding him and struggling to figure out why his little eyeballs were fixated on me when I was trying to be boring and unappealing so he'd surrender to sleep. I finally figured it out...don't look at him! I'd be rocking him to sleep, doing my dance step, cha-cha/rumba in slow-mo while watching tv and next thing I knew, I'd look down and he was asleep! Yes! But if you put him down, he'd wake up. So I spent long nights holding that boy and watching...infomercials. Yup. Beachbody infomercials and QVC. I bought Turbo Jam, Brazilian Butt Lift, Slim in 6 and more Diamonique pieces than I had opportunities to wear them. By the time my daughter was born, Chalene Johnson and Shaun T were my good buddies through the screen and I had tried almost every program from Beachbody. I had lost 20 pounds in one summer after my son and lost weight again after my daughter. The kids didn't make me fat...it was the 4-5 month mark when they would start sleeping more and I had more time to eat in peace. That's when I'd gain my weight.  I was also unhappy and felt alone, so why not eat? Not like it's going to matter....but it did matter eventually, to me.  Whenever there's a person who goes the extreme in some way in life, there's something going on there...whether they care to admit it or not. Just sayin'.

Over the next several years, my children were growing and I was on a search for the old me. The old me was happy, had an hour glass shape, more confidence and had a "thing" that didn't make me feel like I wasn't enough when people asked me what I do. Oh, being a mom is great and wise people know to give props, but "that's all you do?" passed my ears a few too many times. I wanted more, I just didn't know what it was or how it could happen for me. Stuffing envelopes or spending lots of money with no guarantee just wasn't what I was looking for. I knew of Beachbody and their programs and coaching opportunity...but I kept telling myself that I'm not into fitness, that I don't look the part, that no one would take me seriously so why bother.  You know, those evil whispers that don't want you to succeed at anything. I kept following a couple of Beachbody coaches on Youtube and pulled out the exercise programs every once in a while. And then finally, one day, I decided to give it a real shot.

One of the coaches I followed on Youtube was having a "Sneak Peek" into what coaching was all about. It was free, it was private, it was on Facebook and all I had to do was check in once a day and read/watch the posts and videos. That's it. Just soak up the information. Not more than a few minutes a day. I was surprised that she wasn't "bugging me" throughout the Sneak Peek. She let me know she was there if I had any questions but that was it. By the end of the week, she asked me what I thought about the whole thing and if I felt like it was something that would be right for me. I was hooked by like, day 2, but I didn't tell her that. ;-) BUT, I was stuck financially.  I was honest and told her my situation and that as soon as I could, I wanted a new program and I wanted the biggest bang for my buck. By the next "pay day", I was ready to take the plunge! I even said, "Let's hurry and sign me up before I gotta pay more bills!" She hooked me up with a new program I hadn't tried, Shakeology (my first time trying it!) and my new coaching information. I was welcomed to the team with open arms and finally, FINALLY, had my "thing"!!!

Since becoming a coach with Beachbody, I've had a sense of purpose in a completely different way than ever before. I have more motivation and more of a framework to my day. It's a culture that embraces lifting each other up, constantly learning and developing your sense of self. We help others by being examples ourselves, through our words and actions. We are proof that the decision to commit will only lead to success. My doubts were completely gone.  I have a certification in health and nutrition but that's not necessary to be a coach. I didn't need to be at my goal weight, only to continue to strive for progress, stay accountable, motivate and encourage others on the journey along with me. It is only as good as what I put into it, whether it's my fitness or my business, the principle is the same.

The biggest thing for me was that I chose to invest in myself for once. Instead of the accessories, makeup or shoes that I thought were going to camouflage or distract from my appearance, I decided to invest in what I knew would make ME look better, from head to toe. Knowing I needed to change my priorities, and even my budget, meant that I needed to choose between spending money on "stuff", or spending it on making me a better version of myself. I decided not to spend money on clothes until I got closer to my goal weight. Saving score! No more junk food. More savings! No soda,  K-cups and bottles of creamer by the arm-load, even more savings! If I didn't do a single thing with my coaching business other than receive my products at a discount and get into the best shape of my life, then I was still winning.

Plenty of coaches make the decision to do just that, they sign up because they love the programs and products and want the discount. Many find that over time, their passion for Beachbody creates such a following that they're building their business without even trying.  I have more of a planned, specific vision, I'm a Capricorn, what can I say!  I know that I want to build a business that embraces beauty and wellness from the inside out. If I tell clients that they should be striving to be the best version of themselves, shouldn't that mean all of them, not just their face? We are all on a journey to be better than we were yesterday, last week or even last year. I've always wanted to encourage and lift up other women and to show them that with small changes here and there, they can change their attitude, lift their spirits, be healthier and more confident.

 One of my dreams since joining the league of "single moms", was to be able to help give them hope for a better day. For every woman I met who had to face this reality, the biggest concern was holding on to her children and being able to provide for them. Most were stay-at-home mothers who had no income. Bargaining for alimony and child support meant war and legal bills. 10 out 10 women in that situation would have preferred to go without financial support and be rid of the man for good and only have their children and the clothes on their backs if it meant avoiding legal bills and the stress of visitations and more. It sounds extreme and if you've never come close to this situation, just count your blessings and I pray you never will know what it's like. The point is, the money is never worth it. But reality is, we need money to survive. What if I could tell those women who are scared and wringing their hands in worry over tomorrow, that there is hope? What if I could say that there is something out there for you? If it's not coaching, then maybe something else that feels right for you. For me, this was the missing piece. I had left a space open for it without ever knowing I'd be willing to take a leap of faith. I'm so glad I did. My coach has been a constant support and our entire team of fabulous men and women are truly inspirational. All different backgrounds, from all across the country, with different stories, all with the same goal. To live a healthier life while encouraging others to improve mentally, physically and to ultimately reach their goals and succeed in life. 

 

If I didn't take the opportunity to see what coaching was all about and to ask questions, I wouldn't have taken the biggest step in my health and fitness journey. Knowing I have to stay motivated and accountable to my team, to work and give it my all and to fully embrace this opportunity, has truly been one of the best things to come my way in a long time.

If you know someone who might benefit from an opportunity like this, please share my email with them: bpmomathome@gmail.com  There's a Sneak Peek Open House starting this week and it doesn't hurt to just observe and check it out. There's no obligation and folks can learn for sure whether this is something that's right for them.  It took me a long time to reach this point, and looking back I wish I would have started when my children were little. I needed this in my life back then and I was too afraid to try. It's never too late though, I don't need my "well" quite yet but you can be sure it'll be full by the time I need it. :-)

One last thing, I'm an open book, ask any question, pick my brain, or just share your story with me. I've been there, I can offer support and sometimes it's easier to reach out to a "stranger" than to someone in your inner circle when you're looking for support or direction. No matter your situation or circumstance in life, I want you to know that you have something special in you, that you are worthy and deserving and that you can turn things around if you're not exactly where you want to be right now. - My heart is with you. -

** In addition to email, you can also connect with me via Instagram  @baharluvsmakeup  (You can send me a DM (direct message) there as well.

What on Earth is PD?!?

PD....What is.....Personal Development for 200 Alex. Actually, I have no idea if I even said that right. The last time I watched Jeopardy I think I was in elementary school. Anyway, what IS Personal Development?? I've mentioned this term quite a bit lately and people aren't exactly sure what I'm talking about...so they just smile and nod and tell me they took a nap or fed the dog as their "personal development" task for the day. Uhh....not quite but good try.

The Wiki has it described like this: Personal development includes activities that improve awareness and identity, develop talents and potential, build human capital and facilitate employability, enhance quality of life and contribute to the realization of dreams and aspirations. The concept is not limited to self-help but includes formal and informal activities for developing others in roles such as teacher, guide, counselor, manager, life coach or mentor.

Okay, so what? You may say, "well I'm not a crunchy tree-hugging self-help motivational groupie". No, my dear, that's the stereotype. We've reached a point where admitting that we read a "self-help" book is embarrassing, but it shouldn't be! Every single person needs time and opportunity to be able to improve, grow and reach more self-awareness. I do believe the reason many more individuals seek mental therapy than ever before is that as a society, we aren't proactive....we wait until the you-know-what hits the fan before we stop and realize we played a huge part in the why and how. Of course, once that happens, then folks need to talk it out and come to some conclusions and sometimes, with not only talking but with pills as well. We've all heard of the tragic stories that result from an equation of mental health issues and pills, or lack thereof. We don't want to go there, so let's go back to Personal Development and how it can help you.

If you're a wife, have you ever read a book or article, whether humorous or helpful, that left you feeling understood and lifted up in your marriage? Maybe you shared it with others, maybe you discussed it with your spouse or maybe it was just a few minutes of you reading alone, food for thought. If it added value to your life in just a tiny way, then it would be classified as Personal Development. It allowed you to tap into your self....to become more aware of your relationship and the role you play...and hopefully, taught you a thing or two about how you can look at your situation going forward. You are personally developing your sense of self.

Here's another example: As a soon-to-be parent, you accept advice from many well-meaning parents already "in the trenches" of parenthood. They want to share their wisdom and keep you from re-inventing the wheel. You're not sure who to believe and no one quite fits exactly your specific "style"...so you decide to do your own parenting research. Maybe you believe in attachment parenting or a more traditional approach than your friends. Your ultimate goal is to be the best parent that YOU can be for your child..so you read, research and strive to improve your current thinking and prepare yourself for the new joy of your life. That's Personal Development too.

I'm sure you know some people who get up early in the morning to exercise before getting on with their day. In this case, their Personal Development is more physical rather than mental, but in my opinion it still counts. But let's take it a step further. They may listen to music while they work out and music is great for the soul. Many become more energized, uplifted, positive and happier while listening to music. That is truly a great thing. But maybe they listen to a podcast of a successful entrepreneur telling the story of how he or she became such a success. They may come away with new ideas, the imagination churning away, and definitely intrigued by the possibilities of "what if I did...." That's great!

With Personal Development, often I hear people say "but I don't have time for that nonsense. I don't have time to do nothing." It's not "nothing" if you are improving on you!  Are YOU, "nothing"?? Do you want to be exactly the same, in exactly the same place you were weeks, months or even years ago? The truly lost and unhappy are those people that never strive for better days and a better version of themselves. As a society, we are mentally very weak and don't stretch and challenge that muscle in order to examine ourselves closely and strengthen our weak points and embrace our strong points.  In all of our relationships, we continue to change over time but how much better would it be if we did it consciously and in a positive progression? Our relationships would only thrive!

When you are looking for time to incorporate some Personal Development, always remember to combine a meaningless activity with a mindful one.

Here are some examples of combining meaningless with mindful:
- washing dishes and listening to a podcast
- taking a shower and listening to a sermon
- folding clothes and listening to an interview with an influential and positive role model
- mending some clothes and watching a positive, uplifting program
- taking quiet time with your breakfast and read devotions or a few pages of a book you've been meaning to get through
- instead of hitting that snooze a few more times, wake up and wash up and then pray or meditate and center yourself before starting your day
-sitting in traffic and listening to an audio book

These are just some examples but you know your lifestyle and schedule, your individual tastes and what appeals and would benefit your life. Remember, add value to your life. Purpose to set aside time every day..yes, every. day. We should all be exercising our bodies every day. We should be doing the same with exercising our minds and spirits as well. We don't do enough of any of these...but we can always improve and strive to be better today than we were yesterday.

Who Feels Like Sweating?!? Not me!

Yeah, so, I totally don't like to sweat. I'm known for it, actually. Back in school, I'd hide from the P.E. teachers to avoid having them call my name to run. I was perfectly satisfied with a "C" for walking my mile on the track so I could conversate without losing my breath and God forbid, perspiring. I even had it last period before school let out and I still wasn't havin' it. I tell you what though, even that walking helped keep my figure the very hourglass shape I took for granted. By the time I no longer had to take P.E. and I started driving and got my parking space in the senior lot, walking was long-forgotten.

Fast-forward about 14 years and here we are. I still don't like to sweat. I don't avoid working out because of the actual physical exertion. I'm not actually a wimp. I'm not a typically lazy person. I'm not a dainty flower. You get where I'm goin' here?? lol This is how my brain works when I think about exercise, not even exaggerating. Here goes..."Okay, I should really work out today....but when? If I do it in the morning then I lose sleep but I'll be able to wash up and get ready for the day before the kids start bugging me. Wellll, maybe I should do something relaxing and just warming of the body so I don't actually sweat before I have to start my day. Because I won't be able to shower until tonight. Oh! Okay, so maybe I'll work out after the kids go to bed! Then I can just hop in the shower and really not worry about giving it all I got. But then I'm really tired...and I'm not really in the mood to get all sweaty when it's my wind-down time. So maybe I'll do some yoga or pilates so I don't sweat. Then I can shower earlier, veg a bit and then I'll do my exercise." And guess what....yeah it never happens. Avoiding the sweat always wins.

Do you ever play mind games with yourself? Setting the alarm earlier to compensate for your automatic snooze reflex? How about moving your phone across the room so that you have no choice but to physically get out of bed to silence the awful noise that woke you from your slumber. I've done it with my checkbook (did I not mention I'm old school??) and plenty of other scenarios. I also do it with exercise. Now, this isn't a replacement for a good, challenging workout. Creating and sticking to that habit is still a work in progress for me at this point. But to actually move, tone and avoid the excessive flabby, floppy, "whyyyy do I look like this this week??" issue requires some minimal exercises...and you guessed it, most of them are "old school" and have been used since the dawn of time.

This is a great exercise for "standing abs" and gives you that "cut" in your lower waist/oblique area. I'm telling you, within DAYS, you'll see a huge difference. You may still have flab but you'll see that "cut"! You can also lift the knee straight in front of you and alternate while twisting your waist to tap the opposite thigh coming up. LOVE standing abs!

 

Without thinking too hard about my choices, I usually gravitate towards something like a Thai Cheng (Beachbody), YogaZone workout, Scott Cole's Thai Chi, Gaiam's AM/PM Yoga or my own list of "no-sweat exercises".

 



 

 

These workouts can be done in the morning or evening so it's great if you're a night exerciser or you've just let the day get away with you and you realize you haven't worked out yet! If you're working on centering yourself in the morning with meditation or prayer, personal development time and a more serene morning, this is definitely a great exercise option to add to the mix.

 

Some of my go-to moves are:

 

- Dancing. In the kitchen, living room, any kind of music. The kids watch the videos on YouTube and Mommy dances. Sometimes my daughter joins me. I do my exercises to the beat or I just move and dance. There are no rules but I guarantee my breathing is shallow and my body is warmed....I might start sweating but it's so much fun I kind of don't mind. ;-)

 

- Sun Salutations, stretching up and out with your arms, bending at the waist and warming up the entire body.

 

 

- Arm circles, forwards and backwards

 

 

- Knee lifts, as mentioned above, in front as well as at an angle to the side to work the abs in different ways.

 

- Squats, talk about warming the body! Wowza!

 

- Counter push-ups, for the real fuss-pots out there...don't even get on the floor. Stand a 2-3 feet away from your kitchen counter, lean towards the counter with your hands on the edge and plank yourself forward leaning towards the counter with your body weight. You'll feel it, I promise. Do as many as you can, just make sure you do it barefoot or in a way that your feet don't move. Don't want you knocking your precious teeth out by slippin'!

 

- Leg lifts, leg completely straight, forward like your doing karate kicks, out to the side like a pendulum, and to the back corner (works the bum!) and straight back (another bum!)

 

 

- Trunk twists, stand feet slightly apart and twist your waist and stretch the opposite arm to the corner and alternate, twisting your "trunk".

 

- Laying down (even if it's on your bed!), legs up in the air...air bicycle!

 

 

- Laying down still....one leg straight down, bring the other straight up and point that toe towards the ceiling. Keep going until that leg gets tired, then alternate.

 

 

- Laying down some more, lift both legs in a V....keep holding!! You're shaking....lift that V!.....Go as high as you can and EASE back down.....do that a few times a day and watch how fast that Mommy-pouch tightens up!

 

Using resistance bands of any kind, the flat rubber band style or the ones with handles, whatever you like, keep those handy. Any free moment, you can use them sitting on the couch, laying on the bed watching something or even doing some leg lifts in the kitchen while waiting for dinner to cook.

 

These aren't new and spectacular ideas but it just shows you how truly easy even the most minimal effort can change our bodies or at the very least, keep us from getting REALLY mushy. You won't sweat with any of these exercises. No need to shower or plan your day with these in mind. You may shake, feel the warmth and breathe a little differently but I know that if I don't do these simple movements, I see the negative change very, very quickly., especially in my tummy. These are truly "no excuses" ideas so let's get moving....and we won't even have to break a sweat!

 

 

Keep up with me on Instagram @baharluvsmakeup for quick reviews, ideas and to stay connected between posts!

 

 

 

 

 



Sunday Sum-Up

  Well my loves, another week has flown by. It's the middle of April and I've already seen people out in shorts and flip-flops. We don't get much of a Spring season in Northern VA. We're either freezing or shvitzing. lol I don't know about you but Sundays are indeed a day of rest. I'm not much for the weekend crowds and all the left-over crazies from Saturday who still go out on Sunday and wreak havoc in public. I wish I was exaggerating but if I told you what happened yesterday at lunch, you wouldn't believe it. The one other family on the patio besides us, and utensils were thrown, there was yelling...and it was just from the MOTHER. *blink, blink*....I felt called to offer her some kindness but she wasn't havin' it. Oooh boy, let's just say I don't think her day improved much once they bounced. And I mean bounced...they didn't pay their check. It was an experience. Saturdays in public are not for the faint at heart.

Anyhoo, while I sit here sipping my tea in my homeschooling mug from Café Press.."HomeSchool ..Everything we really need to know we learn at home" -I'll sum up the week for you. First thing, of course, is the tea..my mom's favorite choice, with Cardamom. One teaspoon of sugar in her glass tea mug. I still saved two of them, even my kids know those glass mugs. I packed them away because I'm afraid being glass, they might break. She only drank tea out of HER "cups". And it makes me feel a part of her with me, especially on Sundays like today when the kids are with their dad.

I've been a lover of coffee for years now but as a mom, hoo boy, do I need the coffee. It won't keep me up at night and I could seriously take a nap after a cup of coffee, but the caffeine does something...well, maybe it's psychological. Whatever it is, I like it. I also LOVE my amaretto creamer. No alcohol..just straight up refrigerated creamer. It's heavenly in a cup o' java. It also helps my cravings when I'd rather have a big ol' piece of fudge cake or a handful of cookies. BUT....creamer has calories. And coffee just doesn't do it for me if it isn't the way I like it. So I've been weaning myself off the caffeine this week and having tea instead. Totally not the same and definitely doesn't do what coffee does, but it's taking the edge off. I'm drinking the tea straight up, no sweetener. I usually have it with a slice of cinnamon bread and natural peanut butter. Which brings me to my next point.....

I'm cutting down but I'm not dead. I had a couple more salads this week. I tried to get around too many additional carbs. I had one breadstick with my salad at lunch the other day when I used to just keep going on the bread. I had a couple bites of my daughter's mashed potatoes instead of ordering a side of it for myself. Between the two of us, we barely made a dent in that pile of potatoes. I also have a Tupperware container full of Girl Scout Samoas...usually my favorite. Not feelin' 'em this time for some reason. Just not in the mood. I could probably polish off a sleeve of Oreos if I had them right now...oooh that does sound good...with a tall ice-cold glass of milk......good thing I don't have any here though! lol I've had sweets this week but I've been more conscious of what and when I'm having them. I also don't go overboard like I would have done with the "whatever" mentality.  And that's the thing, if it's here, I'll eat it. If I have to crave it, think about it, go out and buy it, chances are it won't happen. And my gut will thank me later.

I also cut out my beloved Coke. Yup, straight up Coke...or Pepsi....or Cherry Coke....not diet. Not Zero. Just regular. With caffeine. Have I mentioned I'm down on the caffeine this week? Yeah...made it twice to Target and wasn't even tempted to buy some....but I'm not gonna lie, I had an evening where I was looking in the fridge hoping a can of Coke would magically appear.

I don't drink soda with an open can walking around like it's glued to my hand. But with lunch or dinner...ohhh yeah. Hits the spot like no other. So basically baby steps on the food and drink this week.

We've had a busy week but I made healthy choices even when we had to grab something on the way home. I didn't feel like I "can't have"....I'm just cutting the unnecessary here and there. For each meal, I look at what's most important for me at that moment. For example, eating lunch at a restaurant. I wanted the breadstick. I knew I was filling up on salad. I didn't order a carb with my entrée. And we didn't have dessert. So there you go.

I've purposed to make time for personal development every day. Whether it's listening to a motivational podcast or cd, working on social media projects, organizing clutter or listening to a positive YouTube video while folding laundry or doing my makeup. Make those moments count.

As the weather gets warmer, it's easier to eat lighter, fresher foods and move more with the kids. Every dollar I spend is spent knowing it brings me or the kids joy, serves a purpose or adds value in some way. And as I plan for the coming week, I know that adding in a new goal is important. I'm working on a motivational collage to help visualize my goals. I can write them down, I can speak them, hear them in my head, but visually, it's important to see the goals on a regular basis.

 Here I wrote about striving to go to bed earlier and wake up with a sense of purpose and serenity, having time for myself and taking time for personal development before starting my day. That goal continues for the coming week. And lastly, it's been hard for me to make time for working out in a set block of time. When we get busy, it's easy to push that off until the last part of the day and guess what, you're too tired. No surprise there. So my newest goal is to make it a priority if not in the morning, at least during the earlier part of the day before I feel my batteries start to wind down.

 

What are your current weekly goals and how did you do last week? I'd love to hear from you and stay connected. You can email me at bpmomathome@gmail.com, contact me through the blog or find me on Instagram @ baharluvsmakeup   Have a wonderful week!

Motivational Monday - The Art of Waking Early

Ahh, Monday is almost over, isn't it? Well, it's a Monday, I was busy earlier! lol Actually, for not doing a whole lot, it was productive and we even had a skinned knee added into the mix. I told her not to run in flip flops but ahem...somebody didn't listen.....

So what's this "waking early" nonsense...we should all be lucky we showed up to participate in life on a Monday, right?! Well, I've been seeing memes about "don't miss a Monday workout" or "wishing you a short Monday with middle fingers and plenty of coffee". We don't have to wonder why that is...we're all starting yet another week filled with errands, work, school, kids, appointments, bills and the list goes on. Even stay at home/homeschooling/retired folks who seem to do nothing all day but eat bon bons (WHY is that still the assumption?! Only now it's "don't you just hang out on Facebook all day?!") Yes, even the people who are "home" still have busy lives and truth be told, are rarely "home" all day 24/7. That's just not realistic.

Why do we need to pray our way through the start of the week and wait for it to be over just in time for Friday evening? #1 reason: We're pooped. Yup, we're stinkin' tired aka pooped. We fight for those last minutes of sleep in the morning...run ragged all day, get the kiddos to bed and breathe a sigh of relief when there are no more young voices chattering in our ears, no more butts to wipe, chores to do...now we can finally unwind and enjoy the evening. So if you're like me, you enjoy it. For like, at least 5 hours. ;-) Time flies man...especially when I go from email to Facebook to Instagram, have a beverage (yes, I've been known to have an evening coffee..it doesn't keep me up and it's better than the damage I could do to some sweets!) then I'm on YouTube and Oh, there's something I wanted to check on Amazon/Ebay/Ulta/Sephora and next thing I know it's at least midnight.  There's not a whole lot of personal improvement going on in this block of time. I'm TIRED. I don't want to do anything productive. If I didn't want to sleep on the bed, I wouldn't even bother to fold the laundry waiting for me patiently. (I purposely dump the laundry on my bed so that I HAVE to fold it before I sleep...otherwise it sits in baskets for DAYS.  I'd still rather fold clothes than do dishes though.)

**Here's a tip: Combine mindless activities with mindful ones. If you have clothes to fold, dishes to wash, mopping or whatever...listen to a self-help/motivational cd, a podcast, a positive message on YouTube or an audio book at the same time. Not enough people do this on a daily basis and their level of growth really reflects the lack of personal development in their day to day lives. It's not corny or silly and personal development receives a bad rap.  Would you rather you mind fester on the many stresses in life, or would you rather receive uplifting words that can help change your attitude throughout your day or especially, before you lay your head down at night?? **

So in the last month or so, I've purposed to go to bed earlier and wake up earlier. It doesn't happen every day but it's a work in progress. I first read on the benefits of waking early after I noticed that most fit, healthy people wake up early to meditate or pray and then exercise before getting on with the rest of their day. I read  this book and the author goes through the entire day and night relating the hours to different chi cycles and parts of the body.  Now, I'm not all crunchy and I don't have a man to say, "Hey babe, this guy says we should be making love at 9pm so let's get to it" but I got enough from the book that I thought it was worth sharing with you.  He talks about the benefits of warming the body first thing, through food, exercise and personal time to get connected with your body before you begin your day. He's not the first to say this and it just goes to show that these healthy people are on to something.

 

If you're like me, you need at least 6-8 hours so that you're not a raving lunatic the following day. I don't like to nap because that makes me grumpy, groggy and in a foul mood. I'd rather have less sleep than more, for the same reasons I don't nap. If I sleep too much, the next day I feel like my head weighs a ton and I've been run over by a truck. No thank you. So little by little I shift my bedtime back about half an hour so that I don't knock my personal clock out of whack. When I wake up, I do some tummy exercises right there on the bed. Leg lifts, air bicycle, reverse crunches, etc. Then I get into the bathroom first to potty (I'm a mom, that's what I'll call it for a while yet) and cleanse and tone my skin. (I don't moisturize until right before I do my makeup.) Depending on how much time I have before my kids wake up, I'll make coffee, have some quiet time to read or check on posts for the day, plan my makeup/outfit/accessories..anything that is soothing to me and allows my mind and body to wake up slowly but surely. While I'm in my closet, I usually do my standing exercises. It's amazing how these exercises help me from feeling too bloated or blahhh even without the full "workout" label attached. (I'll do a whole post on those exercises soon!) Then I'm warmed up and ready to start hearing the chatter and requests for breakfast this and that. 

 

 

I encourage you to start this week and start shifting your bedtime back little by little and allowing yourself time in the morning for just you. Before the rush of the day, make time to wake yourself up mentally and physically with whatever eases your spirit. For some, it may be devotional time and prayer. For others it's meditation and yoga. You may get in a major workout session, shower and then be ready for a major breakfast with the family. Whatever it is that works for you, make sure you make it a priority. Going to bed with stress, only to stumble out of bed, popping those eyes open to the day hitting you smack in the face with no time to prepare, well...I'd rather have a moment or two if you don't mind. ;-)

 

 

Let me know how you're doing this week and in what ways you're choosing to spend your waking hours. You can keep in touch by messaging me through the blog, emailing me at bpmomathome@gmail.com or follow me on Instagram @baharluvsmakeup 

The Fatty Mentality

Yup, I said it. The Fatty Mentality. I'm going to pull the "I am one so I can say it" card. I'm not going to be politically correct in this post because, well, that's exhausting. I'm going to probably use a lot of adjectives and they most likely won't be very flattering. Tough love, real talk and all that jazz. So here's my story, the background all the way through to the present.  I'm on a mission and it's multi-layered. I'll get into the "layers" in future posts but for now, I want to share with you my why and how I came to be at this point in my life.

When I say "fatty mentality", it's usually to define someone who has been overweight or obese for the majority of their life. This is someone who may or may not have a food addiction. This describes a person who has struggled with ups and downs of weight loss and gain, the embarrassment, the shame, the wishing and yearning for leaner bodies and less bondage. I know quite a few who have had surgery and still struggle with the ups and downs. Many are in therapy prior to surgery to help with the mental aspect of their weight issues....but it never fully "cures" them. It's a lifelong struggle. I know it's controversial to talk about food addiction. Some say "it's totally NOT the same thing as drugs and alcohol, just don't eat so much!" and some eye a plate of food like it's a glass of Scotch at an AA meeting. Everyone is different but if you have doubt, ask what it's like for the individual you are tempted to judge. I'll bet they'd rather open up and relieve some of that pressure by explaining their struggle.

Here's where I get a little candid. So I wasn't a fat kid. Well...I was a tiny baby, then a chunky baby...then by the time I started walking I lost the pudge. I wasn't every skinny, lanky, scrawny...I was just average with a little belly. You wouldn't look at me and say "Oh yeah she was fat." You'd say, "Oh you were just normal honey!" But throughout elementary school, I wasn't as lean as my cousins so my mom would tell me I needed to watch and not pig out at birthday parties and things like that. Little by little I started to sneak. Now, before you get all "Ohhh, so that's why! Her mom was too strict!"....she was...but that really wasn't it. It did definitely make me feel like I couldn't appreciate those years, because now I think, "I was totally fine, why did I think I was huge?!" But as far as food goes, that wasn't a huge issue at the time. Now, a little more background...my mom's side, they're all lean folks. Some might gain with age, but they're all slim for the majority of their lives. My dad's side, the women can add some pounds. Diabetes also runs on his side. My dad has always been blessed with a lean body, never a big beer belly or anything like that. Lucky for me, however (eye roll), I went after his side. So neither parent could really understand what my struggle was like.  I thought I was the abnormal one amongst all my cousins until I met my cousins from my dad's side. "FINALLY, I look like you guys! I'm not the only one!" Not that we can't stand to lose a few, but it's always nice to know you ain't the only one strugglin'.

So by 6th grade I was developing more of an hourglass figure. I was about a 0-2 in Women's dresses by then. It wasn't until about 10th grade that I started feeling a little chunky compared to my friends. My dad commented once that I was "bigger than the other girls" when he dropped me off for a slumber party. I was curvy where they were slim. I had the butt and the gut and the boobs and I was also wearing makeup and moussing my hair and they were rolling out of bed and into some jeans and a t-shirt. So obviously my whole style was different. Between 10-12th grade, I gained some but I wasn't "fat" still, just technically overweight by medical standards and had the older guys drooling. High school guys don't appreciate a womanly figure. lol By high school graduation I was 135lbs. A size 10 jean skirt. I think I still have that skirt. I might have a pair of shorts too. I look at them and think, "no way I'll ever fit into those again in my lifetime". 

I worked, took some classes at the community college, worked some more. Then I got a job in corporate world and went from a size 10/12 to a 14/16 in about a year and half. I "blew up". I know what I ate too. I had a secret love affair with the peanut m&m machine. And the snack machine. And Subway. And I wasn't getting turkey and mustard either. Nope, it was steak & cheese. And chips. And soda. And cookies. I was also eating sushi. And pasta. And trying new restaurants and being social and I had money and blah blah blah. By the time I got my passport for a trip to London, my diamond/oval (yes, there is such a thing as a diamond face) was round and I was hiding under big sweaters and not really giving a hoot. Over the next two years following, I went up and down and settled at 160 when I met my husband (now ex, father of my beloved kiddos). I was "thick", had a definite belly and my confidence was kind of in the toilet. (Life lesson #3,487: Don't stick with a rebound, a rebound is meant to get you over your previous relationship and on to the next one.)

I got pregnant with my son and gained 28 pounds with that pregnancy. The doctor told me he'd be 8 pounds because of my size...uh....that's ME with that gut, not the poor baby. He was 6.14oz. After he was born, I lost some but by the time he started sleeping more, I had more time to eat. I also had time to shop a little more so I was buying junk and quick, easy stuff to eat. I wasn't happy on so many levels. But when he was about a year old, my husband was gone for the whole summer for work and I decided to try Jenny Craig and surprise him when he got back. I busted my hump for three months to lose 20 pounds so I could be closer to the weight I was when he met me. (Life lesson #3,488: Don't ever work on YOU for someone else. They won't ever appreciate the effort or the results like YOU will. So do it for you, babe.) So obviously he wasn't jumping for joy. Little by little I said some colorful things in my head and ate more. Again. Around that time I got pregnant with my daughter. I had a toddler and a husband (I think I blocked a lot of this time period from my memory, a "challenge" doesn't begin to cover this time in my life) and not much time to pig out. I remember eating mostly cold sandwiches for lunch and dinner because they were easy, quick and I didn't have to think about anything. So I only gained 14 pounds with my daughter. Again, they said I was going to have a "big baby" because of my size. She was 5.75oz when she was born. I barely fed her when she was in my tummy, poor thing! I had some complications after having her and I lost some weight after that but again, around the 4-5 month mark, I started eating again.

My highest after having my children was 190. I was BLOWN UP. I'm 5'2..5'3 if you count my curly hair. I hold my weight relatively well for being short but at the same time, even 5 pounds makes a big difference in look and feel, let alone 50lbs + extra. When I saw pictures of myself around this weight, my face was puffy and the makeup wasn't enough to hide the bloat. I remember buying a 1x dress for a wedding. AND it was black. I don't want to think what I would have looked like in those pictures if it wasn't black.

 

 My kids are 8 and 6 now. My daughter says, "If you get skinny, we won't be able to recognize you." That about says it all, folks. I've been big for so long that it's now who I am. I don't like it. I don't want to be known for being divorced/fat/single/broke/needs a man/needs a house/needs a pet/needs to put down the soda and chocolate etc etc. None of those things are positive attributes and in the last couple of years, I feel like I might as well be wearing a sandwich board that says that crap. So it's time to turn things around. The health,the budget, the looks, the goals, everything. You know when you see those shows where they remodel a bathroom or a kitchen and they only fix a couple things to keep everything within budget? And you sit there thinking, "Why didn't you change that over there?!?!" Well, that's me. I'm not changing just one corner, it's the whole flippin' thing.

Now, I'm not delusional. We are what we repeatedly do. So up until now, I've yo-yo'd. I've gotten on the wagon, then fallen off...then been run over the wagon and tried clawing my way back on it. I've seen the eye rolls (I'm usually the first one to roll 'em) and I know when people think, "Ohhhhkay, you go right ahead sweetheart, we'll be here when you get tired." It'll take time to replace the current norm with the new one. I get it. It took me YEARS to be blahhh and unhappy with my body. So I'm not going to be a transformation "after" overnight. It'll take months. But that's okay. Because the "layers" I mentioned earlier will take time to develop as well.

My mission is to turn this thing around, from mental to physical, from head to toe. I am so passionate about skin care and makeup, enhancing a woman's natural beauty and bringing out the best version of herself. I'm saying the right things, doing the right things....but oh, you can't look lower than my neck. Isn't that silly? So I want to encourage others with their wellness in body and mind, in the same way that I do about the "girly stuff". It starts with me first. I can't tell you to put on some blush and concealer because you look like death warmed over if I look like a haggard mess myself, now can I? Well, the same thing goes with body health and fitness.

I don't want to take advice from someone who has been lean all her life and doesn't know what it's like to sneak the 4th package of something in an hour. Or the chick who complains on Monday about the 2 pounds she gained over the weekend when she'll poop a couple times and be back down to her typical 120 weight by Thursday. Honestly, I can't relate to someone who is 100+lbs overweight either. It's a different struggle. Some points I get, but to that person, I'M the twit who is complaining about the 50 pounds when she has 175 pounds to lose, you know what I'm sayin'?

Here are my goals for the near future: The next 21 days are for Beachbody's Shakeology and 21 Day Fix Challenge. The latter part of the month will be double workouts, at different parts of the day to help rev up my metabolism. The fitness program also comes with meal plan and special portion containers to help my eating stay on track. I'm experienced with many Beachbody programs but this will be my first time combining Shakeology with one of the programs, and 21 Day Fix is new for me! My overall goal is to lose 50 pounds. I'm hovering between 175-180 and have been for at least the last two years. 130lbs would be my approximate 12th grade weight. Curvy, hourglass but a world of a difference compared to what I am now.  That was my "hottest" time...so if the goal is to be the best version of ourselves, that was my best version. It's not "medical standard" weight according to my height but I'm not looking for that. I know that as I come down on the scale, I'll be able to tell what my "healthy" feels like and that will allow me to hover at a more comfortable place on the scale.

 

As I work hard on this challenge, I hope to encourage others along the way. I won't beat you over the head with fitness posts because, let's be real, that can get annoying when you're sitting there reading while you eat a bag of chips, right? (Been there, totally done it a million times.) I do hope to combine my passion for the face AND body and one day, be an example of wellness from the inside out, from head to toe.

 

DermExclusive - Anti-Aging Skin Care

  I hope you took a few minutes to watch the video above, it's an amazing line, nothing overwhelming. No bathroom filled with products while you scratch your head wondering how to use them. They've taken the guess-work out of these fabulous anti-aging products. 

If you're 30+ and find yourself thinking "I better step up my game before it's too late." then starting or improving your current regimen should start now, not later.  With anti-aging products to fight sun and environmental damage as well as the natural aging process, you'll have the key to unlocking that door to youthful, vibrant skin. I always tell clients and friends that you can't simply do nothing and then wake up in your 40s crying over why you look or feel terrible. "Whyyy are there lines around my eyes all of a sudden?!?!" Well, my dear, you washed your skin with dish soap and ignored the delicate skin around your eyes for decades. (You may not be "that bad" but I kid you not, I've said those words a few times before.)

I know you want to be the most beautiful version of yourself. If you have dark spots or uneven texture, the DermExclusive Intensive Repair Serum will be amazing for you to help treat your skin.  You don't need expensive laser treatments or Botox to help with firmness and fine lines, the Collagen Lift and Fill&Freeze can do that for you! 

If you're intrigued by the products but you have questions about whether this line is right for you, please send me a direct message in the contact form to the right or you can email me at bpmomathome@yahoo.com  I'm here to answer and help you any way I can. My passion and goal is to help you feel your best.