Marital Advice

      I hear pieces of advice here and there and I either take a quick pic, write it down or sometimes even text myself so I'll remember to jot it down in a journal or pretty notebook.
(I bought a notebook that said "Thoughts and Wisdom" recently and my son decided to take it to write HIS thoughts and wisdom down.  I'll sacrifice if it means he'll practice his handwriting and spelling.) These are some of the things I've heard or learned the hard way myself that I'd like to share with you:








- Don't keep score against each other. You're on the same team and your spouse isn't your opponent.

- Expectations ruin relationships. Don't expect that your partner should do things the way you do, or even love you the way you hope they will (or love you the way YOU show love to them). They do it their way and you expecting differently sets you in a tone of them constantly disappointing you because they don't deliver what you expected.

-Be wary of the "little nothings" that slip out of your mouth, not just in arguments but in day to day life. Teasing and judgments, criticism and commentary are things that the other will be accepting and paying attention to..you never know what will be the thing they hold on to in their heart.

So many, many times I've heard not only in my own relationships but from others, that later on, something comes up and you say, "Gosh, I had no idea you felt that way." or "I didn't know I even made you feel bad or that you didn't like that." "Why didn't you tell me X long ago?!" It's the things we hold in or feel like we won't be heard if we share with the person we are supposed to be closest to that come back to haunt us later on. Which leads me to...

- Men and women are both guilty of this...you can't blame the other person for your anger or upset if you don't give them a chance to understand, to apologize and to make it right/better. Allow them that opportunity to make adjustments and improve.


- Your spouse is not your go-to person for every category on your list. Your husband may not be your shopping partner, your chick-flick partner or your "let's discuss our menstrual cycle and browse Pinterest at the same time". He probably cannot HANDLE, (notice I didn't say WANT), hearing about your three-hour to-do list and every little bicker the children had today. Condense it, bring up the highlights and let him have a turn.

- Be careful about how much you share about your spouse with friends and family. No one other than the two of you live together and share the day in/day out. If there's a conflict and you talk about it with others, they just hear the conflict, voice their opinion, make their judgments and that's all they remember. They aren't around when you've resolved the issue and had fun making up. It isn't fair to your partner to have to apologize and make up with not only you but your mother, your sister, your father, your cousin or your BFF. How would you feel if you had to face these folks at a get-together after having a major conflict and feeling like you needed to explain yourself after your spouse had a marathon chat-session with his/her peeps? Not a good time, that's for sure.

 - Don't blame the other person for why you've "lost yourself". They fell in love with you...they didn't expect you to morph into something else. If you feel like you've let other things take priority or you have dreams or plans, share them. Tap into that part of you that connects your past to your future. Make sure you carve out time for hobbies and interests that don't include him/her right by your side, even if it's once or twice a week for an hour. Maybe it's in the evenings and instead of watching the same show together, you choose to do something else in the same room. You aren't joined at the hip...and you may come to resent him/her if one day you want to detach and move that other leg and realize it's fallen asleep on you. ;-)

Every Day Is a Chance to Improve

We all have our areas of strength and weakness, right? If you're a mom reading this, are you nodding?  Parenting is a constant challenge, one right after the other. You have to be steps ahead of the kiddos who will test you, motivate you or make you feel like a limp noodle with no backbone whatsoever. We lose our tempers, we cry, we laugh and hopefully, we try to improve to be better for our kids.

As a woman, maybe you're self-conscious about your appearance, whether it's your face, your body, or your hair. Perhaps you're struggling with health issues that make you feel like surrendering. It may not be physical issues that you struggle with but more financial or work-related stress. We all have our issues and long for a day when we can be bored with NOTHING on our minds.

Do you know anyone who has NOTHING that they struggle with in life? I mean they get up, go to work, come home, eat, relax, sleep and do it all the next day. They have family and friends but they only socialize for short periods of time, not long enough for meaningful conversations or drama to start. They make enough to sustain themselves but no money for dreams, travels or a better future. They're just "okay". They are bored. And quite frankly, rather boring. But hey, they are living, breathing and stress-free! We all want that, right?! Here's the thing about this type of person...they aren't GROWING. They aren't IMPROVING. They don't know what struggle is. They don't know how to count blessings and be grateful. They don't know how to navigate relationships and watch them thrive. They don't have better days head or stories of making dreams come true. Yes, day to day they are simply living and sustaining this life. But that's about it. And one day it will end. Ever read a book that you thought, "Well that was boring and a waste of my time." Yeah, exactly. lol Not that a person's life is a waste per se, but we have one life, don't you want to truly LIVE it??

Okay, so here's the deal. Let's embrace life as it is, and make changes for better, healthier, happier, more peaceful times one day at a time. If you are struggling with the kiddos, read and educate, pray and seek advice from those who have been there, done that, and plan for a better tomorrow with the kids. If you are struggling with weight issues, make small changes every day to eventually change the entire outlook on your health and activity level. You will get there. A little at a time is better than no progressive movement at all. Financial struggles? I hear ya. There are always changes to be made, a few dollars here and there and little by little, things will start to shift.

Confession time: My current struggles (because they change over time) are physical and financial. I can share my passion and encouragement for all things beauty-related...but don't look lower than my neck! You'll see I hold my weight in my middle and I'm tired of counting those spare tires, Girl, let me tell ya. What about the financial? Well, I'm a single homeschooling mom and being dependent on other sources other than myself is NOT my idea of a good plan.  My days of being in a salon all day are no longer as my children have become my #1 priority.  That means I'm constantly planning and preparing for better, more prosperous tomorrows. So there you have it. I'm a work in progress like everyone else.

I can promise you this, as a friend/advisor/beauty fairy/coach, I make it my goal to set the example of where I hope you'll follow. It doesn't matter if it's branching out and trying new colors out of your comfort zone. It could be planning to be debt-free and making your dreams come true. Maybe it's that 50+ pounds that need to say bye-bye for good. Sometimes you just have to stop and decide to switch things up. If it ain't workin', try a different way.  We can't complete an entire life overhaul without feeling completely overwhelmed but we can make changes on a daily basis and get to where we want to be. We will get there you and I...because every day is a chance to improve.

Save a little, Spend a little

On this first day of Spring, it's snowing and drizzling and not at all what I was hoping for when I woke up! But I DID wake up, and that in itself is a blessing. Our errands were pushed for tomorrow so that afternoon of reading and sipping coffee sounded like a much better idea. I'm reading this book:

 

I've been a long time "fan" of Amish culture and some of the curriculum I use for my children includes Amish illustrations and culture. The author is "of this century" and really cracks me up. I was quite surprised to find this book not at all dry and boring. She speaks like a girlfriend sharing her visits and new knowledge.

Let's face it, we all know to spend less and save more. We know we should pay our bills on time, try very hard not to borrow and save for that rainy day that always comes when we least expect it. Easier said than done is more like it, especially when we see pretty things for the house or our favorite discount store has a really good deal and we better grab it while it's there! I thought I'd share some of my own thoughts and advice I share with others, and we all know hindsight is 20/20. Looking back, I see where I picked up some good and bad habits and what I hope to pass on to my own children soon enough.

My wisdom comes in no particular order:

• I started working at age 15 and I needed a worker's permit in order to do so. These days I see teens just waste their time on nothing, all the while complaining about life and all the drama that comes with being a teen. Getting a job requires skills to interview well, responsibility for getting to and from work, paying attention to your paycheck and checking/savings account and managing money whether it's for personal use, saving for college or car/gas/insurance.

• From age 15-18 I had four jobs. I learned about myself, my strengths and weaknesses and the kind of environment I was happiest and most productive. Our ultimate goal is to recognize where we fit in and can truly thrive while making the money necessary to sustain our lives and be as content as possible.

• It's absolutely acceptable to try new things until you find what works for you....as long as you make sure to avoid burning bridges and maintain dignity and respect in every workplace and work relationship. You never know when you will hope for that networking opportunity from a past employer or colleague, or in my case, you may want to go back! You want to make sure they are happy to have you and they welcome you with open arms if that's the case. (Thankfully in my case it was!)

• Contemplating marriage with your soon-to-be fiancée is important business. I'll share more on that in another post, but financially, don't ever think you can fix things after marriage and everything will be okay. It won't. The problems that occurred with you or your fiancée in terms of financial status will still be there after the wedding. If you or your partner has outstanding debt, credit report issues or a low credit rating, I strongly suggest you hold off on walking down the aisle until you get those matters squared away. It's not fair to either of you to start a life with someone who has already done a sorry number when things were easier i.e. they were only responsible for one person! Also, it's not crazy to ask for W-2 or make sure they file their taxes on time and don't owe the government. Some may laugh but trust me, I've been there, done that and you'd be surprised what comes up when you're supposed to be honeymooning in la-la land.

• First time parents: Congratulations and by all means, have that baby shower! Ask for gift receipts, gift cards, and cash. lol I laugh because honestly, the style and décor of the nursery won't match the bits and pieces folks will bring to the shower. Even items like diaper cakes and huge boxes of diapers and wipes won't always be safe bets. Your baby could outgrow the five cases of newborn diapers you were so kindly gifted...and now what? You're stuck giving them away or hiding them in a closet for your next baby. The wipes? Your baby's hiney doesn't like those gifted wipes and you have to conduct your own experiment by trying a sample pack of every brand until you find one that works. Same goes for clothes, toys etc. As a first-time parent, you won't know what works for you and your baby until you get in there and just DO IT. And along the way you'll trial and error until you find your holy grail baby products. One kid might love an exersaucer, another might prefer a bouncy seat or swing. Bottom line, buy as you grow and learn along with your baby. Also, what worked (or didn't) with your first child may be the complete opposite with your second or third. Actually, that's almost a guarantee. I've never heard of a parent say they had two identical personalities back to back.

• When to stock up and when to skip it? I love a bargain and I love to see packs of items I know and love. If you know it's cheaper buying multiples of favorite products, especially if it's a limited time sale, by all means stock up. Buying furniture and décor for the house you're still dreaming of....? You probably want to skip the knick knacks and actually save for the house itself! Online sales are usually only set for a certain time so nothing hurts more than kicking yourself that you ignored the sale, only to hit the same site a couple weeks later at full price. If you're a big online shopper, leave a tab open with Ebates so you won't forget. Check for free shipping and discount codes before you complete that order!

• I'm obviously always onboard with skincare and cosmetic purchases but in a sensible and reasonable fashion. Something that looks pretty in the container or works for someone else, may not be right for you. For example, I've learned that I don't like lip balms/glosses in little pots. I don't like using a lip brush and I can't stand getting my finger goopy. So no matter how pretty it looks, I'm not buying another one. Pigmented glosses don't work for me either. I never reach for them. Unless it's a gloss to use on top of a lipstick, fuhgetaboutit. I won't pay for a high-end lipstick if I know the formula or color isn't unique. Why am I paying a higher price? I WILL pay a higher price for packaging, smell, texture and unique color, however.  One gorgeous high-end lipstick in a great tube package in an everyday neutral color for the purse is definitely worth the splurge. Over time, you get to know which shadow colors bring out the best in your eyes. If you see a palette where you KNOW you won't use 9 out of 12 shades, skip it. Instead, try to find single shadows similar to those couple in the palette that you liked. Even if you pay more for each single, you know you'll get your money's worth and actually USE it.

These are just a few thoughts running through my mind today. Boy do I love to shop but I try to be a wise consumer. I want the biggest bang for my buck and I'd rather have more goodies than less, obviously! But as I go through the garage and see all the items I haven't thought about in the last year, I realize how much money is sitting around us and we don't even realize it. I pay bills on time to avoid late fees and penalties. Why should they make MORE off of me!? Also, thinking about my bucket list of dreams and travel locations sounds more appealing than the house full of "stuff" every day. We're all a work in progress but if we save here and there, we all have other priorities to spend on. I could stand to do with a little less these days...if one day it'll get me here:

Spring = New Beginning

Whooo boy, doesn't it always seem like you can only keep so many balls up in the air at once?? A lot of moms feel that way in general, let alone moms with hobbies or projects they like to add into life just because. When my mom passed away almost three years ago...(as I type this I can't even believe it's been that long already)....I had a blog and was actively trying to promote it. Pintrest and Instagram were not on my to-do list, I wasn't reading any books, and other than homeschooling and Facebook, blogging was a relatively new hobby. But in less than 24 hours, nothing else mattered. I still remember that morning...barely getting any sleep that previous night, for some reason all I could think was to get rid of my blog. I didn't just stop posting, I got rid of the whole thing! It seemed like Facebook, the blog and even makeup, all so trivial and unimportant when the most important person was gone. It took a couple of months to realize what I had done so hastily, not just the blog but the general feeling of giving up any little bit of "me" that I had going on at that time.

I could write a book on the last couple of years, starting with that summer. I'll save you the reading time and just say that somehow I made it and I'm still not sure exactly how. I will say this and I usually do, when people ask me how I stayed strong instead of losing my mind over and over throughout this whole period. I didn't do it on my own. The words, the actions, the patience, the courage, the knowledge and wisdom, didn't come from me. I prayed for guidance and through people here, I found answers, strength and wisdom. Little by little I found my way back to Facebook, to those trivial threads that reminded me that we still go on. To homeschooling mamas who reminded me that I still had a responsibility to my children and that I needed to keep my act together for their sake. And to a great group of single mothers from different states all across the country who shared their stories and gave me advice and were the only ones I could reach out to when I needed to speak or burst. This great group of women also helped me to remember the "old me" in all the great ways that make me feel special and why my friends and family love ME for who I am and the qualities that I bring to the table. Once you are confident in who you are in general, it allows you to feel free enough to strive for better for yourself and others.  When you feel encouragement from those around you, it makes you want to pay it forward (hopefully!) and when you do, you feel like there is nothing but the sun shining down on you.

The first day of Spring is around the corner. I have goals and personal challenges I've set for myself recently and unlike New Year's resolutions, these are areas that will take a lot longer than a year to reach. Well, some won't take so long. ;-) I've made it a point to hold off on makeup purchases other than replenishing skin care and toiletries as needed. If you show me a nail polish or a lipstick color, I'll probably have something similar or I can "create" one myself by mixing and matching to blend and come up with something close. I've purposed to finish the last dollops of lotions here and there. I've made my way through the selections of shampoos and conditioners. I have quite a few lipsticks and balms that are sheer enough to wear around the house or great for everyday use and they're all half-used...so why not finish them up?? So that's the plan. The money I've saved by not spending on makeup, I've decided to splurge elsewhere instead. Fresh cut flowers make me happy, why not treat myself to a bouquet when I see some gorgeous colors that catch my eye? Healthy and organic foods are more expensive than junk, so I choose wisely and try to plan my menus now. (Still a work in progress on that front!) Dessert is even a new goal for me....how do I indulge in the best way possible and make it count? I've come up with a few ways......

 

 

The biggest challenge for me right now is finding an answer to this question: If I love to share my passion by setting an example for looking my best when it comes to the face, why shouldn't I share the same when it comes to the BODY?? I always say that you can't just do nothing for years and then all of a sudden want procedures and oodles of products to correct your issues. Well, the same goes for the body. Skin care and body care are the same in that what we put in our bodies reflects on the outside. Also like skin care, what we do to enhance the outside also makes a huge difference in our overall appearance. So my biggest challenge is to be that example I hope to set for others. Practice what you preach and all that good stuff...so stay tuned. :-)